When fear is disguised as doubt

When you're a strong, independent woman, and you've learned to take care of yourself AND you've had a string of unhealthy relationships... you start to question - am I just not cut out for a relationship? Am I better off staying single?
I do know – I don't NEED a relationship. I don't mind being single. I meet many of my own needs, and I meet other emotional/social needs through my friendships. So no, I don't NEED a relationship.

I just want one. And until recently, I’ve been afraid to admit that to myself….

I learn about myself from every relationship. I’ve seen the ways that my beliefs and behavior patterns inhibit my relationships. I’m aware of the ways I block love. I've learned to speak up, express my needs, and address challenges in relationships rather than sweeping conflict under the rug. I’ve learned that the art of giving and receiving is more important to me than "compromising."

I've learned to trust myself and my body's signals about who isn't a good fit for me. My intuition always warns me but I’ve not always listened to it. That was a very hard lesson – I had to practice that one several times before deciding I’ll never make that mistake again. I've learned to let go and end the relationship when it’s not a good fit – even when it’s incredibly painful to do so.

Through my relationship challenges, I’ve had many moments of doubt - maybe it's just not gonna happen for me. Maybe I'm not relationship material. Maybe my expectations are just too high….

I had an insight recently – these doubts – they aren’t real. This is a fear thing.

I’ve been afraid of what I might have to give up or what I might lose… because I’ve been working so hard to create more freedom in all areas of my life and I used to equate being in a relationship with a loss of freedom. I've explored what RELATIONSHIP FREEDOM means to me and how to balance my need for autonomy with my desire to be in a relationship.

Being in a relationship and feeling free aren’t mutually exclusive. I’ve proven that I can have ample time for myself, quality time with my daughter, AND still spend quality time with friends while in a relationship. And I've learned that being in a relationship can actually bring MORE freedom in unexpected ways.

Once I shifted my beliefs around this, I created space to allow a genuine relationship into my life. And… I gave myself permission to express my needs, set boundaries, and address it when my needs and boundaries are not being honored.
And now I’m helping some of my clients explore these concepts for themselves, too.

If you are a strong, independent woman who experiences inner conflicts about maintaining your sense of independence in a relationship, I invite you to schedule a complimentary discovery session with me to see how I can support you.