Focusing on specific qualities we want in a partner may not bring the results we are seeking. Someone may show up who has all the qualities we said we wanted, and it still may not be the right fit for other reasons. We may create these lists out of the desire for a perfect partner - one who meets all our needs. But expecting perfection, or one person to fulfill all of our needs may set the relationship up for challenges and frustrations later on. When we expect perfection, we will be disappointed. Because people aren't perfect.
I've learned that I don't always know what I want or need from a partner. I often *think* I do... but in reality, this is often a way to try to feel more in control. If I know what's coming, then to some degree, I know what to expect. But sometimes it's the unexpected and the unfamiliar that makes the biggest impact in our life.
Broadening our perspective away from personal characteristics to relationship qualities creates space for those unexpected surprises.
Rather than focusing on specific qualities you are seeking in a partner- focus on what you are seeking from the RELATIONSHIP, instead. What kind of relationship do you want to co-create? How do you want to FEEL in the relationship? And what are YOU willing to do to create that?
Relationships require effort from both parties .... so ....
If you want a loving relationship, are you willing to be loving? If you expect honest communication, are you willing to be honest? If you want to feel safe in the relationship, how will you contribute to creating a safe space?
Shift your focus to the kind of relationship you desire and put your energy and effort into co-creating it.
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