Blue Gazelle Lifestyle
  • Blue Gazelle
  • Blog
  • About Tabby
  • Testimonials
  • "Unhitched" Digital Course for Singles

The weight of mommy guilt

6/27/2019

0 Comments

 
​Mommy Guilt. One of the heaviest things we can carry (aside from our kids, of course!). Here are just a few of the biggest sources of mommy guilt I've noticed in myself.
  • Not getting enough done
  • Feeling like I need some time for myself
  • Actually taking time for myself
  • Messing up; making mistakes
  • Falling short of other people's expectations
  • Falling short of my own expectations
  • Not being the "perfect" mother
What would you add to this list? What creates feelings of guilt for you?
🤷‍♀️
The thing is, Mommy, that not a single one of us is perfect. We ALL make mistakes. We all mess up. We all feel like we're "falling short" or failing sometimes. And for me, when I see myself falling short, I can't tell you how many times I've caught myself saying, "You're a terrible mother!"
🤨
But in reality, I'm not a terrible mother. True: I don't always make the best choices. I mess up. I make a lot of mistakes. I'm not perfect.

Also true: I'm human.
😏
So I've been practicing rewriting my story. Instead of reprimanding myself with statements such as "You're a terrible mother" - I've been practicing with inquiries like:
  • "You made a mistake. How can you fix it?"
  • "What can you learn from this situation?"
  • "How will you handle that differently next time?"

Before I became a mother, I wanted to control every aspect of my life: I wanted to *feel* in control, always. I set incredibly high (*unrealistic*) expectations for myself and then would work myself to exhaustion trying to get everything done. As an over-achiever and people pleaser, I was always on the go, striving to meet everyone else's expectations, too, and then berating myself up when I didn't get everything done. 😩

Shortly after I became a mother, I realized (the hard way) that I needed to let go of my unrealistic dreams of perfection and control. I learned that I'm not in control, I'm not perfect, my child isn't perfect, and life isn't perfect. That was an unexpected wake up call.
 
😳
As I've been learning to release my needs for perfection and control, I've also been practicing flexibility, patience, and SURRENDER (ugh, that's a hard one, isn't it?!?!) I've been learning to extend myself kindness, compassion, grace, and forgiveness. 🤗

This has been challenging work... these are deeply ingrained mindset and behavior changes that do not happen overnight. I mess up often. Sometimes I forget to be patient or kind or forgiving to myself. Sometimes my desire for perfection and control reemerges in a BIG way. 😟

Even though this has been challenging inner work, it's been equally rewarding. I've been shifting my perspective of what it means to be a mother. It's also making me a better mother. I'm learning to be more flexible, more present, more patient. I've been living more in the moment, and have been learning to appreciate the little things. 
​
🥰
When do you tend to feel the weight of mommy guilt? In what ways do you struggle with control, perfection, high expectations or over-achievement? How have you extended yourself kindness, grace, or forgiveness?
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    Archives

    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    June 2020
    April 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    November 2019
    October 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019

    RSS Feed


​© Blue Gazelle Lifestyle
  • Blue Gazelle
  • Blog
  • About Tabby
  • Testimonials
  • "Unhitched" Digital Course for Singles