moving through the messy parts...
I have been doing a lot of "energetic" clean up again lately .... noticing the ways that I'm depleting my energy, making new choices to break old habits and patterns, releasing what no longer aligns, and exploring my unhealthy attachments and addictions ...
I've done this work in cycles over the last few years and recently discovered that I'm still clinging to some old ways and unhealthy patterns. At first my reaction was, "Ugh, this again...? Haven't I already done all this....?" Then I remind myself that making lasting change is hard and that it takes time and practice to implement new ways of being and doing.
I recognized how much I have already overcome, how much healing and growth I've experienced the last few years, and how much I've already released. I've already let go of so much, which is GREAT... but also a little unsettling. These in between spaces feel challenging because I am releasing the *idea* of who I used to be (much of which wasn't true), and shifting into the essence of who I really am (which I had forgotten). I'm still learning how to "be" without the old images and ideas.
In this transitional time, I was clinging to some of my attachments in an effort to try to maintain some sense of familiarity and control. Even though I chose to do this healing and growth work for myself, it still feels unsettling to experience so much loss in a short period of time. The kind of loss I'm talking about are things like loss of the false self and old beliefs, behaviors and patterns.
It has been difficult at times to do this deep inner work - and to make the necessary decisions and changes in my outer world too. Sometimes it feels like I take one step forward and then three steps back. Sometimes I get drug down into the mud when I don't want to. Sometimes it seems as though I'm taking giant steps forward but am not seeing the positive results right away.
All this feels frustrating in the moment but I've come to embrace it all as part of the journey and have learned to trust the process even when I don't understand it. Once I get through these messy parts, I can make some sense of the experience and it almost always bring a sense of clarity in some area of my life.
I choose to keep doing this deep inner work so I can make space to create the new life experiences I want. If I'm still holding on to the past, I can't reach for the future, nor can I be fully present now. So I keep moving through the messy parts, getting better at extending compassion and grace to myself as I go.
My encouragement and invitation to YOU is ...
When things feel challenging, remember to acknowledge the challenge.
Recognize what you've already done, the ways you've already grown and healed, and the positive changes you've already made.
Remember to look to the other areas of your life and appreciate the good that exists. What or who brings you joy? Who supports you when you need it? What are the good things that are happening around you?
This isn't about ignoring the messy parts - it's finding a better sense of "balance" between the extremes..... knowing that life is both challenging and rewarding, messy and beautiful, chaotic and peaceful. This is all part of the human experience.
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