“I will be happy in this relationship when…” Sometimes we find ourselves here... dissatisfied, unhappy, or feeling like our needs or expectations are not being met in a relationship.
I have found myself here many times in different relationships. My old pattern was to blame my partner for my unhappiness. This wasn't really fair. Yes, in these cases, my partners absolutely did things that hurt me or weren't meeting my needs for a healthy relationship. But if I'm being totally honest, my own behavior contributed to the relationship challenges, too.
I have made MANY errors over the years - having incredibly unrealistic expectations, not communicating my needs or expectations to my partners in a way they could understand, not addressing concerns or conflicts in a timely manner, allowing resentments to build over time, and more.
Taking a long, hard look at my own behavior in my relationships was challenging to do, but one of the best things I've done for myself - and for my future partner. I was noticing repeating patterns across my relationships and - me being the common denominator - I realized that I needed to change some things so I could be the best version of myself in my relationships.
And sometimes, we do all the right things. We make the changes within ourselves and we start showing up differently in our relationships, and we STILL don't experience the kind of relationship we want. Maybe we feel like our partner isn't matching our effort. Perhaps we are growing, but he isn't. Or maybe he's just not honoring our boundaries or needs.
Dealing with relationship conflicts and challenges can impact our overall sense of joy in the other areas of our life... especially if we feel stuck in a relationship that doesn't seem to be going anywhere.
In these cases, we may need to make a whole different kind of decision. These decisions are not easy and we need to know where to go when we need some help or guidance in exploring our options.
While it may be the perfect place for us to "vent" for awhile and clear the air, our friends may not always be the best resource for us as we contemplate a major decision such as this. While they surely mean well, they may automatically default to taking our side rather than helping us look at things objectively. Some friends may just tell us what they think we want to hear, which isn't always all that helpful.
My clients come to me with this big question - is this relationship right for me? I help them explore all options objectively and make a decision that feels right for them.
If you find yourself in that place - questioning your own relationship - and need an objective outsider to help you think through your options, please reach out.
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