Exactly three weeks ago today I received the papers for my second divorce. However, I have chosen not to see this as "another failed marriage." My spouse and I jointly made the decision to separate. We also made a joint decision that the number one priority through our divorce process would be our daughter. To us, that meant we agreed to take our time to work together through the process, to seek agreement rather than fighting, to compromise when we couldn't agree, to communicate and co-parent well, and to work only with a mediator, no attorneys. From the beginning of our process, we have been amicable. We are friendly. We make great co-parents. We are unique and lucky in that, I know. Many people have told me how uncommon an amicable divorce is. I'm proud of how we handled the process and I'm grateful for our partnership.
It has been nearly a year-and-a-half since we first decided to separate, which means I have had the luxury of that same amount of time for deep self-inquiry and self-examination to explore my role in our story. I have examined my own behavior in our marriage - what I did or didn't do that led to its ending. I have contemplated my old habits and patterns, my stories and limiting self-beliefs, and the walls I had built against love that created distance in our marriage. I have faced my fears (and trust me, there were many!), processed my emotions, and cultivated the courage I needed along each step of the way.
Our process was probably "easier" than what others experience because of our amicability, but that doesn't mean it was easy. Along the way, I left myself feel my full range of emotions, I allowed quiet personal time when I was struggling, and I focused on healing and nurturing myself. As I leaned into my healing, I also stepped into my strength and independence and focused on building the new. As I look back over the last year-and-a-half, I am truly amazed at how much my life has changed. And I feel truly blessed and grateful for how far I have come and where I am today.
As I said, I have chosen not to see this as a failed marriage. It's an ending, yes. But with the ending also comes a new beginning, one full of possibility. The mission I held for myself through the process included learning the lessons I needed to learn, rediscovering who I am, what I want, and what I enjoy, and rebuilding my life around those things.
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