Do you have a space in your home that allows you to get away from stimulation, distractions and stressors? A place where you feel comforted and at peace?
Your home is an extension of your personal energy field and having a personal sanctuary or restorative niche that nourishes, relaxes, and supports you is important for your overall sense of wellbeing.
Not everyone has the ability to dedicate an entire room to a personal sanctuary like this .... and that's okay. You can work with whatever space you have available - even if only a closet or a corner. I have dedicated a space in my bedroom that I use for meditation, yoga, and journaling. I've created this little sanctuary with plants, small pillows, throw blankets, battery-operated candles and small lamps for soft lighting, and a few items that have personal and spiritual meaning to me. It's not a large space but it suits me and my need for comfort, quiet, solitude and peace.
I invite you to reflect on the following questions, and then look at your home with fresh eyes. Bring a little creativity to the process of designing the restorative niches that you need.
What kind of restorative niches do you need in your home?
What will be the purpose of the space? How will you use it? You might spend time in your space for solitude, stillness and quiet. Perhaps you read, meditate, write in your journal, or do yoga. Do you need a space to do your hobbies, pursue your leisure interests, or to create?
How you want to feel in your space? Creative? Inspired? Free? Relaxed? Peaceful?
Do you need one space or multiple spaces? If you want a space to feel energized, inspired and creative, AND a space where you can feel relaxed and peaceful - might these need to be different spaces? Or can you create different 'zones' for each type of activity?
If you need help creating your restorative niche, please reach out. Sometimes we need an outside, objective perspective to help us see things differently and this is one of my passions and gifts that I love sharing with others.
Are your relationships contributing to your sense of joy or detracting from it? Do the people you spend the most time with provide emotional support and contribute to your wellbeing?
How you feel when you're with someone and/or after you leave them can be a huge clue. If you consistently feel tension when with someone, or you feel drained after spending time together, it may mean that you may need to set boundaries or create some extra space.
I've had to do this with friendships, professional acquaintances, and romantic partners. Any relationship that starts to feel consistently depleting may need attention and a different kind of action.
A word of caution... check yourself first.
Are you doing something to create tension in the relationship?
Have you communicated your needs and expectations? Remember that not all expectations we have of other people are realistic... we can make requests and state our desires, but the other party can choose whether or not they fulfill our request. And likewise, if they don't, we get to choose how we respond to that.
If boundaries are necessary, be sure to communicate them in a way the other person can understand. Boundaries can cover any aspect of the relationship... how much time you spend together, how you spend that time, how you communicate with each other, and more.
We are each responsible for our own wellbeing and joy. It's not fair to expect others to make us happy. We do that for ourselves. Then anyone we spend time with, if we spend most of our time with people we enjoy, add to the joy we create for our self. It's like icing on the cake.
If you need some guidance and support in evaluating your relationships and needs, expectations, or boundaries... reach out and let's see how I can help.
making peace with inner dualities
I'm on a different road now than I was ten, even five, years ago, and yet I'm still headed in the same direction. One of the ways I've gained more freedom in my life is by accepting my flaws and making peace with my inner dualities... those aspects of myself that appear to be in conflict with each other.
I've resisted and fought change.
I've been forced to change.
I've welcomed, embraced, and even initiated change.
I let go too easily sometimes, and other times hold on too tightly.
I've overcome many hurdles and obstacles, while trying to avoid others.
I've wanted to quit. I have quit when maybe I shouldn't have, and I've pushed through when I should've quit.
I'm softer and stronger.
I'm more flexible and still really stubborn sometimes.
I'm more nurturing and sometimes I still want to keep to myself. I'm more patient and loving and still get impatient and angry sometimes.
I'm really hard on myself and I've learned to forgive and love myself.
I'm still the same person, but am also different.
This is life.
Making the important changes doesn't happen overnight. We are human. We may desire change *and* still find comfort in the way things are and our old habits. We may long to respond to life differently and still resort to old ways.
I have come to accept these "contradictions" within myself and encourage you to do the same.
Part of the human experience is embracing it all.... even the messy parts. Life isn't perfect and neither are we.
My body is not my enemy
My body isn't "perfect" and it's taken me a long time to come to accept her, just as she is. I used to focus only on the things that I didn't like about my body. But I've come to appreciate my overall health.
When I am fully present with her, she helps me tune in to my experiences and she communicates how I'm feeling. My emotions, which I used to ignore, are now important sources of information about my needs, what's right and wrong for me, and the direction I want to go next. Through my body, I express my uniqueness, and take action toward my purpose.
My body is not my enemy and I don't want to fight with her anymore. Those unrealistic expectations I used to have of her only kept me from living liberated and empowered.
I've released any desire of having the "perfect" body. I want her to be healthy and full of passion and energy so I can do all the fun things I want to do.
I am grateful to my body for holding my innate wisdom, personal power, and inner guidance system to my personal freedom.
“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”
(Thich Nhat Hanh)
I see a lot of posts along the lines of "when you find a good man/woman, never let him/her go." But I've learned firsthand that not all good things are good for us.... Someone can be a good person and even treat you pretty well and STILL not be a good fit for you. There are more factors at play than what seems good on the surface.
Communicating about needs and boundaries is a great place to start. But when those aren't honored, alternative action may be needed.
I am at a place in my life where I'd rather be single than spend time with someone who isn't the right fit. These choices are challenging and often come with doubt and second guessing... did I make the right choice?
Thankfully I've also learned in my last few years of dating that it is imperative to trust my body's signals and intuition about who is and isn't right for me. When I do this and honor my own needs and boundaries, then I make conscious and resonant decisions.
I am happy single... I have a beautiful daughter and amazing friends with whom I spend lots of time. AND I very much need and enjoy my alone time. Any relationship I enter needs to accept and honor these facts and give me the space to still be my own person. I'm not wired to be fully absorbed into only a romantic relationship at the expense of all others. I cherish the other people in my life too much.
Would I like a relationship someday? You bet. But I will wait until I meet the person willing to create a mutually enriching and fulfilling relationship. I've learned through my experiences how to do relationships better. So, after YEARS of personal healing and growth, the choice I've made for myself is to no longer settle.
This doesn't mean I'm expecting perfect. Far from it. I am one of the least perfect people I know. But I have gotten very clear on the "must haves" and equally clear on what I DON'T want. And the right fit for me is somewhere in the middle.
Does any of this resonate with you? If you need guidance and support sorting any of this out for yourself, let's schedule a discovery session to see how I can help.